How to Manage an Employee with ‘Center-of-the-Universe-itis’

When a child is not able to get attention, he or she will frequently do what kids do and act out in some manner. The goal in these situations is to get attention, whether positive or negative (negative attention is still attention). Attention seeking is a normal behavior in all children and to be fully expected while they try to figure out how to do 'life'.

But what we don't expect—and what can become a big problem in the workplace—is when adults act out in a similar manner.

Every employee needs some level of social interaction, feedback, and validation of the contributions he or she makes to the organization. The emotionally mature person doesn't need to go fishing for these—this need is covered naturally through daily interactions and conventional feedback mechanisms within the workplace.

However, for those with 'Center-of-the-Universe-itis' this isn't enough. To make up for this deficit, they'll spend a large proportion of their time at work (and, presumably, in other areas of their life) creating situations in which they become the center of attention. They may over-dramatize situations; they may adopt a presumptuous attitude and arrogantly project that they always know the right answer; they may express a strong sense of entitlement; they may play the 'victim' card; or, in the extreme, they may exhibit temper tantrums and/or resort to deceit, lying and manipulation to ensure they receive the attention they believe they deserve.

I've found, in the majority of cases, these individuals believe they're owed something simply because of who they are. They may have been raised in an environment where overindulgent parenting keeps them from learning how to accept responsibility for their behavior; they may have attended schools where programs aimed at improving self-esteem have gone overboard and now they believe that they're "special" and shouldn't have to work as hard or shouldn't have to go through the same process as everyone else because they're the exception to the rule; they may have been influenced by social media and the world of "selfies" and "it's all about ME."

Regardless, they now feel compelled to 'act out' when you—as their manager—(and others) don't immediately recognize all their gifts and talents (in addition to the fact that you should feel fortunate to have him or her on the team!).

Left unaddressed, these antics will undermine the camaraderie of the team and make the workplace dynamic unnecessarily drama-filled, tense and frustrating. The HVA this week focuses on a proven method you might want to consider if you have a team member with 'Center-of-the-Universe-itis'.

High Value Activity (HVA) Action Steps

When a case of 'Center-of-the-Universe-itis' is causing turmoil or a rift in the team, you need to act. But, remember, these misaligned behaviors didn't just start overnight. They probably started manifesting in minor ways and grew over time. This is what I refer to as the "first-date" or "first-day-on-the-job" syndrome when an individual is on best behavior. What this has taught me is they KNOW at a conscious level what's appropriate; it's only when they get comfortable, and the subconscious takes over, that the dysfunctional behaviors show up. The best time to deal with these types of behaviors is when you initially notice they're being played out. It's a lot easier then than it will be once they're firmly rooted. The HVA below will work at any stage, but the sooner you start, the easier it'll be.

Use the 'Team Culture' Approach: Contrary to what you may read, I've found that confronting this type of individual is only marginally successful because his or her attention-seeking needs will just shift elsewhere. Instead, I suggest creating a strong sense of team cohesion around behavioral conduct. A team setting makes dysfunctional 'acting out' less acceptable by making the misaligned behaviors more noticeable, more manageable, and more call-out-able. Peer behavioral normative patterns and peer pressure will frequently influence the person with 'Center-of-the-Universe-itis' to adapt the team-accepted norms. To do this:

• Organize a team meeting where you introduce an interesting and engaging topic that stimulates discussion around team behavioral norms. I've used Carol Dweck's seminal research on Growth vs. Fixed Mindsets dozens of times in team settings and it never fails to get the conversation going in the direction you need (and, bonus, largely driven by the team members!). The Growth versus Fixed Mindset discussion does not deal with 'Center-of-the-Universe-itis' directly, but it lends itself nicely to including a large number of dysfunctional behaviors that are inconsistent in the (desirable) Growth Mindset. The very visible implication is that if an employee wants to be seen as an individual with a Growth Mindset, there are a set of behaviors that need to be adopted, and, potentially, certain behaviors that need to be suppressed or abandoned altogether. There are a vast number of resources on the Internet demonstrating how to introduce and teach Growth versus Fixed Mindset strategies.